This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.
VOICE_NULL: IT’S ALL HOW I USE IT TO BE. WORDS.
Voice A: “Can you tell me how he used to act before... ”
Voice B: “He was a normal man, oh, and he ‘is’ a normal man... I mean he was kind of a person who doesn’t like to talk that much, sticking to his... stuff, all day, didn’t tell me anything about it, But I know it was web designing and stuff like that, he seemed to be pretty lonely but I can’t say he was depressed or... I mean he was c-cool with it, Mr... ”
Voice A: “John. John Person.”
Voice B: “Person?”
John: “Yeah, Kinda odd. And let me ask you what happened just minutes before... our dead guy trying to perform action, Miss. Cheew-”
Miss.Cheew: “It’s not ‘Miss’ *they both laugh awkwardly* And... As always, my nephew, he was busy with his works, sitting on the floor. Nothing unusual. Until I heard something from outside. Thought It was just a cat and closed the windows. when I got back he seemed to be a little nervous. He made an eye contact with me, after months and then stared at the closed door in front of him. Told me to be quiet and stepped to the door. Without any questions, he quietly got out of the room. After less than a minute came back and he was calling the police. I asked him ‘what was that’ and he said he didn’t find anyone. Then I asked him for a glass of water. He just left me and It didn’t take too long that I felt two hands on my arm, aggressively pulling me... and, Before he could do anything else a big knife cut through his face. then a second stab landed in his chest and he collapsed. It happened so fast. And I found my nephew behind him with a kitchen knife, breathing heavily. The police arrived one minute after that and he was a little shocked.”
John: “A full-color description. Just what I needed. And what was your nephew’s name, again?”
Miss.Cheew: “Actually I raised him and I chose his name. Kind of an odd name. It’s Eell. E-E-L-L.”
TITLE >> ”EELL’S NAME"
John: “well, I know it’s not related to the topic. I’m just curious. Eell... what does it mean?”
BLACKOUT >> ”2017"
LOANER: “You sure about it? Oh, Not like the last time. It’s serious.”
Miss Cheew: “Totally. No need to be, eh, worried.”
LOANER: “That level of seriousness is something I cannot believe.”
A surprisingly confused blond young man wearing a yellow hat is watching her bathing in her own blood. Throws the gun away. laughs, hesitates, and then cries, stops for a moment and laughs again. Then kneels in front of her, keeping her head down. touches her cheeks. and cries again. she slowly closes her eyes, unable to say her last words that have been trapped in her throat. he knows what she wants to say; Nods and says: "I know, I know, shhh shhh, ‘Why’, right? You know that, ′I′ know that, give your life a rest..."
*throws her head away*
Y.MAN: “Bitch is deeeeead. *points at him* forty. As I promised.”
Loaner: “Can’t understand you, and the Jix thing yet.”
Y.MAN: “Jix, huh? It’s not about ‘money’. It’s about L-OOOOOO-V-E!”
Loaner: “Then I better get rid of this corpse for you.”
Y.MAN: “Like a bat out of hell !”
*Moving slowly and rhythmic in the rain and making voices*
Y.MAN: “There was a yo-o-oung man walking in the rain... *Grumble Grumble* he was singing about a young man walking in the rain... *Grumble Grumble* I wanna meet that blondie, who is he, Mommy...? Mommy doesn’t answer... cause, she is sure fuckin’ dead... Hoo!”
He is Smelling the blood on his fingers and dreaming about some memories.
And he whispers : “I never get tired of this... It’s like a music to my ears...Huuuuh... I LOVE IT! just for sake of love, let’s kill forever.”
*laughs and enjoys himself*
After a minute walks down the street. tears his shirt apart,ties it around his fist and raises his right hand.
The blond man we know from the last scene is sitting quiet on the upper bed staring through his pillow, empty enough to be noticeable.
Male#1: “Hey, what’s up with you today? you look totall...”
Like he can’t hear, turns his head like a deaf person. Jumps down from his bed. and watches the yellow leaves falling to the ground and making sounds out there. It’s sunset. Takes a long breath in his lungs and tries to smile. But he can’t. Leaves the room. the room was empty. runs down the stairs and he is thinking about how good it feels to meet someone dear to him out there. Opens the door and gets welcomed by a kind wind getting blown into his ears. but he has no one dear to him. There is an old naked tree right in front of him, and Nobody, around that lonely place. He takes another breath, a little less longer this time. Swallows his extra saliva and inhales the fresh smells of nature’s aroma. gets under the shade of that tree and gently touches its naked body. then sits over there. after reaching enough void moments, closes his eyes and imagines an ugly-face girl pretty, unattractive and flat as a board.
Opens his eyes and says: “You’re so beautiful. Well, I’m sorry to say such a thing, as my first words. But I couldn’t stand it not showing how I see what I imagined in my mind.”
They both look at the sun going down in the orange sky.
Im.girl: “Well, Since I know you, It’s no problem, Eell.”
Eell: “Do you mind if we talk about this sunset we’re watching?”
Im.girl: “Don’t be shy with your own imagination. Jeez.”
*She laughs and he loves it*
Im.girl: “I love this landscape, but how about the silence? Do you wanna talk about it with me? I mean breaking it with me.”
Eell: “Yeah. I’ll be glad, I...”
Im.girl: “Nobody likes a dragon face in the sunset. It’s sad enough. Come on. Smile.”
Im.girl: “I like it when you smile.”
*his smile disappears*
Im.girl: “Don’t you have anyone in the ‘outer world’?”
*looks at his expressionless face*
He grabs her hands and holds them. Then hugs her as tight as possible. Thinks of nothing but her. After a minute, They both freely lay against the tree together.
Opens his eyes. Nobody’s there. Looks at the same sunset they were watching. It feels the same again.
Lays on the ground and thinks about obvious shit Thing-In-itself old philosophers tried to understand and It’s just like the real ‘real world’ to him, what he imagines, not what he personally, sees as a world.
Suddenly A feeling jumps into his existence. It was sure a long time for a no-feelings time. Kind of a Satisfaction.
FEMALE#1: “What was your name, again?”
They’re in a train, Actually They’re getting off the train. Not a busy hour. She is walking straight and he is walking front of him looking at her face and taking steps in a reverse loop.
Eell: “Does it really matter?...”
*Glaring at her, her getting confused*
*Gets himself together*
Eell: “Are you real?”
FEMALE#1: “Yes, I’m Mima, A human.”
Eell: “Seems like an Asian name...”
Mima: “They call me Elizabeth, though.”
Eell: “I’m more comfortable with that one. I like ’em both, ‘though’ ”
Mima/Elizabeth: “I like Mima, too. But I’m not Asian, then I feel Elizabeth suits me more. ‘though’, If you ask me which one, I say the name ...”
Eell: “Doesn’t really matter! huh...”
*She surprisingly looks at him and smirks*
Eell: “It’s called a ′smirk’, Elizabeth. It doesn’t really mean anything specific to me but I guess It’s normal to smirk. my reaction was kinda abnormal.”
*Her smirk turns to a smile, just in a moment*
They’re surrounded by fresh air again, getting all wet and cold in the rain. They’re out.
Eell: “My name is Eell.”
Elizabeth: “Hey! Eell!”
Eell: “What do you think of being called ′L’, I wanna do that.”
Elizabeth: “Then it would sound like, so-close-to-Eell.”
Eell: “You got me. The way I expected.”
Elizabeth: “That’s OK I guess.”
Eell: “Well, L, How about jumping in the water?”
They are bending over the fence looking through the blue surface of water.
L: “Seems fine to me.”
Eell: “Yes, it does.”
*She pushes him off the pier*
He manages to get his head out of water. Then, Opens his eyes, giving her a perplexed look and yells: “I’m gonna kill ya!”
L: “Like Hell you do!”
Eell: “I do what I say!”
And laughs insanel- ~Wakes up from his caused-by-tiredness snooze.
L: “Seems the dream you were having was much more satisfying than the real one.”
Eell: “L, It’s not that impossible. I can make it real. with just a little change”
*pushes her off the pier*
*Samuel barber’s Adagio for Stings is playing*
Eell: “So this is where you live, then?”
*Slowly kicks the ball*
Eell: “I Like the posters”
L: “Hmm. They’re just plain blue.”
Eell: “Well, Maybe that’s because I like ‘just plain blue’.”
Finds a huge metal closet.
L: “They’re my, physical copies, some reports of my investigations. Just In case I lost the files.”
Eell: “And what do you ‘investigate’ about, normally ?”
L: “Any~thing I’m curious to investigate about .”
Eell: “Like what, normally?”
Gives her a cold blank look and lies against the wall.
L: “I did investigate about you, if you wanna know. Are you curious about the result, huh?”
Eell: “Almost dying here. HAHA.”
Smiles and curiously looks at the case labeled as ‘M’.
L: “Well... You’re a murderer.”
L: “Just Kidding. You can’t hurt anybody. *hits his shoulder* You’re just so kind.”
*adores him with a "Hey I’m on your side" look*
He is not confused.
Eell: “I love being called lame names by the people I love.”
L: ”Kind is not that lame... Come on. It just means you care about people, want to help ’em and make ’em happy”
He starts walking in a circle around her.
Eell: ” ...‘THAT’ It means I do intend to care about people...”
Eell: “And to help them...”
L: “Mmm hmm.”
Eell:“And to make them happy...(?)”
L: “You exactly did repeat what I said. What do you mean by ‘THAT’? ”
He takes one step towards her. She can see he has something in his hands.
*Swinging a bat in front of her face and then smashing her skull with ‘THAT’ *
Sings loud in front of her surely-dead-face, trying to make his voice match the song ′El mourir De Plaisir’: “Bloo-ooo-ood, Blo-o-odd, blo-o-ooooooooood, Reee-e-ed Reeee-e-ed *increasing speed* Beautiful *decreasing speed* Blooooooooo-o-ooood !”
Power cut. Dark, everywhere.
FEAMLE#1: “Are you there? Hey, Ee...”
Eell: “Not there... I’m here.”
HUMAN#1: “Are you sure? cause It seems Everything IS NOt ALRIGHT...”
Eell: “I’m enjoying this, so warm... What is this place, all warm and sweet and quiet, and Who are... you familiar existent?”
NECESSARILY EXISTENT CREATURE#1: ”*High Frequency Sound*"
Eell: “Oh, My fucking ears!!”
#1: “Ee-rrrr-ll?! Are you Oka-rr-y? Do you want me to cal-rrrrr- ambulance? ”
Eell: “Huuh?... Noo... Everything is absolutely fine. Okay? I’m grea-”
Time gets slower and slower, after moments he finds out he is still in the room and L is right in front of his face.
L: “Well, ′Great′ is a bit of an ironic word to use fourr desKribing your KKK-Is-LLVJE HEY-BUDDY-GOT-ANY... HUMANKIND-NEEDS-SHIT-...-HAPPENS-RIGHT? THE-LIFE-...CHIOCE-RAT-WAS-LAAAM...”
Time gets SLOWER and slower and it makes him feel sleepy.
L: “Hey, you said You love being called lame names by the people you ‘love’. Who’s that lucky person you ′love’?”
Everything is dark. but he clearly heard the voice of a familiar girl.
Eell: “Lucky, huh? ”
L: “Yeah, you ′KIND’.”
Spells something for her.
Eell: “C-L-A-S-S-I-C-M-I-*smiles then quietly laughs*-S-D-I-R-E-C-T-*laughs*-I-O-N, L. Huh.”
Coughs to clear his throat. Then slowly opens his eyes. Finds out the source of the warmth.
L: “Thank goodness. What did happen to you in that room? I found you collapsed on the floor. They say you were hit... by a hard object, Though I didn’t find anyone. It was just me and you.”
Eell: “Why everything seems ridiculously heartwarming? Is this real? Are...”
L: “I’m real.”
Hugs him and presses him to her chest. He doesn’t ask questions any more. She starts to caress his face.
L: “You know why people write a story? They want something to happen but the world is normally too busy to let it happen. The world they see / The world they want to see. Sometimes I think of someone who will be always there mentally ready to sink in my limitless mind despite of this ordinary-human outfit I am living in. Maybe the only noticeable difference between you and me is, you don’t hide who you really are. You’re honest but you don’t ′have′ the one you can be honest with. Because we can’t ′have′ humans, right? But what If I want you to ′have′ me?”
A shiny teardrop leaks from the corner of his left eye and falls down his face.
L: “Why would you love ′me′ out of all thes- I know I’m getting childish, which is obvious, and It must be you just randomly talking in your sleep, But It was not like that, it was more like you’re talking to me about the things you never could tell me. You amazed me by saying the same thing I had in mind: ′If everyone got his own version of the universe, an interesting person, to me, is the one who is ready to peek a look on other one’s to have some new definitions in the self-dictionary.′ I am the one.”
*heard what she said*
Eell: “You know, maybe, humans can think like each other and, understand... each other.”
An indescribably sweet warmth invites him to sleep and his eyelids get heavier and all he can see is just a blank picture of a sealess beach.
*Samuel barber’s Adagio for Stings is not playing anymore*
NURSE#1: “Who? I didn’t see the girl you’re talking about.”
Eell: “Don’t tell me she was all, my imagination.”
NURSE#1: “If that’s true you have one hell of an imagination, boy.”
Eell: “Wait... I’m not a middle-aged man, Am I?”
NURSE#1: “Don’t worry. You just slept for six hours, which is kinda unusual, guess you didn’t sleep well last night.”
Eell: “Last night?
*looks at his right side*
Eell: “Yeah, last night I...,”
*rolls his eyes back*
Eell: ”"fuck"ed. Last night I fucked.”
NURSE#1: “Good for you. Well, Can I go now?”
Eell: “She said she was-”
Eell: “Fuck? I fucke-”
?#1 : “Shut up!”
Eell: ” ′what′ are you? your voice is too high. that’s annoying me. Don’t... Fuckin’... moan.”
?#1: “But you insisted on the word ′fuck′... Don’t you waNNA F-FUCK?”
Eell: “I do.”
*feels like his ears are bleeding, but It’s not happening*
Eell#1: “then what the hell is your problem?”
Eell: “I know what’s real. As long as it’s me who is making my imaginations. I can, totally, differentiate between them.”
Eell#1: “Yes, yOu do.”
Eell: “Hell, Talking to myself is so boring. Then Shall I go murder some humans?... Enough moaning already.”
* Baachiya Mima is not playing anymore*
Eell: “Sure just ′I′ can dream such weird shits.”
Eell: “But these dreams just make me sad when I wake up and I see there is no Elizabeth. Wish she was real, though I was gonna get arrested.”
FEMALE_VOICE: “I’m no Imagination. That’s so rude of you!”
*throws away his blanket and gets up*
Eell: “You were too wonderful to happen.”
FEMALE_VOICE: “Then why would you hurt me?”
Eell: “I’m so sorry. Please come back and live in our world”
FEMALE_VOICE: “Then why can’t you just live with your imaginations?”
Eell: “It’s limitless, but you know there i-”
FEMALE-VOICE: “Who are you talking to?”
Eell: “This amount of nonsense is even too much for me, you know.”
FEMALE_VOICE: “Nonsense? What do you mean by ‘THAT’?”
Eell: “No... this pretend-and-It’s-gonna-be-ok game doesn’t really work. I did even pretend that I couldn’t believe you’re real and have came back... Hmm... Life is all what you interpret then... huh...”
*gets out of the the room*
Eell: “can’t remember the exact words I used when I was laying there t-”
REAL_Eell: “shut up for a minute... God...”
REAL_Eell: “Excuse me, You didn’t talk to me back there. Did you?”
Eell: “NO way. really?”
Eric: “Why not, huh?”
Eell: “Then, this time... Seems we can fuck with it. this evening.”
Eric: “what an impressive way to describe the enjoyment though. *laughs* ”
Eell: “There’s no way you could think It’s funny to say that.”
Eric: ”K! Details are more important... Let’s see If the dialogues can be more... specifically detailed. You’re not bored, are you?”
Eell: “Not yet. Then : ′The time loop you’re trapped in, You created a dense point with gravity,right? Did you get rid of it?′ ”
Eell: “no way... Well... Actually I’m bored.”
Eric: “Fine with me, too. It’s ten already. Go get some sleep. We’re gonna finish it tomorrow.”
Eell: “You’re right, E.”
Eric: “It’s Eric. Just Eric, ′K’. ”
Eell: “Welly well. Goodnight, E.”
*Crossing the street and leaving him behind on the chair*
*Remembers something *
Eric: “How did I know that?”
*Glares at Eric*
Eric: “Well... Huh! Watch it man. Don’t YOLO just now.”
Eell gets hit by a car. now that Eell is out of his sight, he can see the moon now.
He felt like his jawbones are not attached to his skull anymore, floating around in the space. He could see Eric having a strange expression on his face that he has never seen before . He was not even sure about order of things were happening to him. Thought for a moment that he can forget the past If it’s killing him inside. But the running reality came to him right in the face and he didn’t feel his face anymore in a way that made him feel kind of an emotion, which is funny. He tried to smile. and realized that, probably, his backbones are not in the same old shape, now.
MALE_VOICE#1: “Nothing new. He was always the needy one. ”
UNKNOWN_FEMALE_VOICE: “...Haha. I know. I’m leaving for now.”
Opened his eyes. The color of the walls made him surprised. And when he saw Eric’s lousy grin he suddenly felt a killing immobility in his body.
Eell: “Wait a minute... I’m one of those YOLOs, now?” But he couldn’t say that. his jaw didn’t move. then he tried a new verb tense.
Looks at the situation another time. this time, finding unpleasant facts. his smile disappears.
Eric: “Enlarging your world?”
Tries to laugh but he can’t. Feels so sick.
Eric: “Uh, you... you can move your right arm, If you want to. Don’t let the bullshit find a way to your mind. write something.”
Looks at his right side again and finds the red notebook he always hated when he was a kid. Writes something.
Eric moves his head and reads it. Then laughs and coughs. Definitely a fake cough. His teeth jump out of his mouth and come back where they were, just in a moment. And Eell assumes it was just a hallucination.
Eric: “I found it in your car.”
Bullshit, Impossible, He thinks to himself and moves the pen on the paper. Eric tries to catch the words as they appear on the notebook. then reads it, loud and clear.
Eric : ” ′BEING NEEDY? I AM THE THIRST, FOR THE NEW.′ *stops reading* Not givin’ a damn, huh? As always, living in a far far away world... guess telling you something like “that’s the spirit”, is a bit of cliche.”
Leans closer to catch his next words. reads them.
Eric: “OK. I’m gonna be out for three hours. My sister is gonna be here at any moment. *looks at his golden watch* Fuck, I’m gonna be late. She stays tonight. See you tomorrow.”
The room is empty now.
Can’t think of anything. Just moves his right hand and writes some shit.
Elizabeth opens the door and gets a little surprised looking at all of those bandages and stuff immobilizing his body. His eyes meet L and gaze at her.
Elizabeth: “God, that’s nice white costume, fictitious boy.”
Leaves the door open and gets closer.
Elizabeth: “Heard a lot about you and your ideas from Eric. He just never stops talking about you when I’m around. I’m super curious about who this man is, under these bandages.”
He tries not to be confused. Writes something for her. she rads it and hesitates for a second. then looks through his eyes.
Elizabeth: “No. But, haha, I wish we could meet earlier and talk ‘a lot’, before all of this.”
He can’t -and doesn’t want to- believe it.
Elizabeth: “She’s gonna be here. and none of this gonna happen.”
He finally laughs and thinks to himself: “That was really fun.”
Real Elizabeth opens the door having a slight smile on her face. Waves a hand to attract his attention, standing by the door. and he can hear her saying something not very loud.
Real_Elizabeth: “How you doin’, dickhead? Good to see you again.”
And he chooses a very convenient answer; as a joke: “Just fine.”
She comes to see what, is written on that notebook, and reads the answer. her smile faded.
Real_Elizabeth: “You never change. It’s been a whole year, thought you found someone. *the way she talks seems strange to him* I’m coming to believe that you just enjoy it.”
Just randomly moves his arm and finally covers his face with it, hoping things gonna change when he opens his eyes again.
It’s a little cold, and very dark.
Opens his eyes.
Elizabeth: “what can I say about something sick and appealing at the same time?”
They’re in a dark room. The moonlight lets them recognize the movements.
Eell: “You can confess it.”
Elizabeth: “You can’t make me smile with that cheesy statement.”
Eell: “I like how simple humans are, But how complicated they seem to be. It’s...”
Elizabeth: “It’s not the time.”
Eell: “What do you mean by ‘THAT’? you’re not her again,huh?...”
Elizabeth: “Can you really trust what you say?”
Eell: “I know asking people "why" turns on their insecurity switch, but in this peculiar time I really wanna say that ′Why are you asking that?′ ”
Elizabeth: “How long is this gonna keep going? ”
Looks through his existence, his unclear emotions and his processing mind.
Elizabeth: “Losing creativity and you’re done. just how long can you keep on and the "don’t break the chain" thing works? This sweet dream you’re having gonna end up ruining what’s out there waiting for you. I know It’s not forever. It can’t be. See, I, an imagination, I can see that day you’re all by yourself when It’s not a really nice day to be alive. ”
Eell: “Do you think I’m enjoying this?! No, Of course not. I’m... not sick. I’m not. I just, wanna talk to someone about what’s in me, that I wanna know. I wanna be physical with somebody. I want a relationship with someone I can team up to discover the discovered again, in our cave of infinite space. ”
Lays against the wall and looks at the dark nothing on the floor.
Eell: “I always wanted to have someone beside me. wanted Someone to give my life, a meaning. But they wanna be in your life if it HAS a meaning. people don’t give your life a meaning for free! It’s... *sighs* not how it works. and you can’t make them do that.”
Elizabeth: “If I fail to exist then how am I gonna think, about... your suggestions... How can you give me the "love" you mentioned, again? Don’t leave me alone.”
Eell:“Love and Loyalty? Who the fuck do you think you are and, what do you think you’re living in? *chuckles in disbelief* and what are they supposed to mean? It’s all about ‘making a deal’ for most of the ~lovely~ people I meet in a normal day. Well, I’m not saying I believe in what they do. Just... How should I put this...”
Trying to find out where she is. Moving around his hands.
Eell: “The thing you’re talking about have already happened, L. *slowly closes his eyes and stands up to see the moon* I hate building a fiction and believing it to be REAL!”
Takes his blanket off the bed.
Eell: “Guess you think ′look, how pathetic talking to himself and even taking me seriously′, but... you know...”
Suddenly, they both fall on the ceiling.
Eell: “Found you, you little fuck, annoying bitching-all-the-time imagination! *murmurs* Don’t be mad at me for this, please.”
Runs and grabs her left foot. pulls her like pulling a fish out of the water.
Eell: “I’m just overflowing with some shit. Everybody does at some point, right?”
Smiles with a mad face and shaking like a naked tree. Punches her vagina twice, as hard as possible. She tries to react real and escape. But he grabs her by the neck and covers her face with his blanket.
Eell: “You die. I wake up. and I’ll never fucking try such a fucking annoying performance.”
He is looking at her covered face. Feels like it would be better If the room was lit enough for both of them to see each other’s faces. It could be more fun, He thinks.
She is no longer resisting.
GETTING_CONFUSED_Eell: “And I’ll do it again cause...”
She tries to say something in a barely audible voice: “Don’t...”
Tears come down his cheeks. But he was not crying.
CONFUSED_Eell: “... maybe It seems like I’m killing you but actually, I’m not. I’m just providing a way to let you exist again.”
Elizabeth: “... get...”
_Eell: “When an idea lives too much It gets wild and violates its primary purpose, the meaning. It needs to be reset. *mumbles* Sometimes.”
TRYING_TO_STAY_ALIVE_Elizabeth: “... *chokes* ...”
Snuffles. And hesitates for a moment.
_Eell#?: “I’m really not that talkative, most of the times. So...”
She is trying be more than an imagination and say it.
_Eell#1: “Smother! SMother! SMOTHER YOU FUCKIN’ FREAK!”
And smothers L to death.
_Eell#2: “What did you do?”
Eell tries to make a possible meaning out of it. Can’t believe it.
_Eell#1: “What do you mean by ‘THAT’?”
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