A mind of their own
A Mind of Her Own is a very effective, not to mention highly erotic, exploration of a first-time relationship, especially from within the heads of both participants. I found starting at the high point and then flashing back to the couple’s first interactions to be very enjoyable.
Then there is a long plateau of coming closer with the eroticism kept just be low the boiling point. Interspersed there pleasing little details like the fact that the hero darns his socks or that the heat hit them like a hammer.
The story is a wonderfully detailed exploit of initiating a virgin into coital intimacy balancing love, lust and the constraints of conventionality.
Well worth the second variation!
The story starts with an excellent set up to the initial encounter between the two protagonists. It is, throughout, a thoroughly erotic and quite enjoyable read. The eroticism is detailed without being prurient. And the romance developing under the eroticism is extremely arousing.
An effective use of the third person to show what each character is thinking.
The first chapter ends with a wonderful cliffhanger.
The only quibble I have is that the opening could be more thoroughly polished—but once over that, the story is as exhilarating as a rollercoaster!
Thanks for an entertaining read!
This is a well-written story, any comments below to the contrary are mere quibbles.
The beginning was unpromising: “The Adventure Begins” telegraphing and an undefined “They” in the first paragraph improves to journeyman description which piques interest in what comes next.
The second chapter bursts into a naked fight with a naked women, flesh upon flesh. He had been sleeping alone when the voluptuous hellion attacked him. How did she get there? Why? As this question lingers without answer, the fact that we know nothing about the male protagonist, and especially how he came to be in the subject bed begins to rankle. The sexually charged argument over who must give up his/her claim to the bed is humorous and exciting all at the same time.
By chapter 3 we have learned that she is a university co-ed, but we still know almost nothing about him, except his sexual prowess, or what he was doing at her parent’s estate. The dialog seems wordy—for her this can be explained by her being at university and still somewhat scared, but there is no explanation for his somewhat dated vocabulary and speech patterns (Punch and Judy?!?). As well, there are only vague hints as to her lack of prior sexual experience. However, the repartee over the diary entries is rather excellent. All in all, a delightful transition of her becoming open to he possibilities of his advance.
Chapter 4: A very good handling of POV in the third person; this appears clear and effortless. His broaching of marriage even before they have made love is odd for modern times (women driving cars, electricity), but this was not previously established. The diary passages towards the end are heartfelt. But I still don’t know what he does for a living or what work he was preparing for her parents.
A very nice ending!
Can be improved
An interesting introduction to the story, but there is much which could be improved.
First there is too much here. Second, it spends too much time off Delano, surely a minor character since this is romance erotic, he’s gay and the lead is female. Third, I don’t know what ‘fundi’ means, though can guess from context. Fourth, it shows the female lead taking inappropriate advantage of her employee.
Paragraphs are too long.
It is sometimes unclear who is talking and different people are talking in the same paragraph.
As I couldn’t tell who was talking, and therefore what was happening, I did not complete reading the passage.
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