Pretty well perfect
I am facing a serious conflict of interest here, because I really love my own story (Autumn Flower, currently in #4) and I have an inordinate hankering to see it at #1 on the list, since it's shaven down from a much longer novel that I've been working on for a bit over 4 years. I know every vote counts, so I'm withholding my own upvote of your story hostage, until such time as I can see it clear back into third place. Strategically, I dare not act to my own detriment.
That being said, I *LOVE* your story. It's well-written, mildly humorous, in character, catches the language of the Firefly/ Serenity 'Verse well, and it has a fun premise. So in the spirit of writerly camaraderie, I'm giving you all the stars and a nice juicy review, but you won't earn my heart until it's all air through the engine.
Wishing you the very best and hoping I'll get to read more of your work. :-)
Poor little Claire
Wow, that was sad, scary, and super-disturbing. The description of the psychiatrist with the bespoke fishing poles, the devious way the protagonist dodges around her own insanity, are really well done. And the scene at the end is heartbreaking even as her insanity justifies her actions to herself.. Very well done.Read the story now
Loved this story. So many key points touched upon:
Jack's not there: check
Wray's uncomfortable: check
Bobbie's a little creepy and invasive: check
Kids need to Read mention: check
reference to space cowboys: check
fun twist ending: check
...Huckleberry: 5 points to Gryffindor!
I can see this being produced as a scene from ConMan, It would absolutely kick ass if Val Kilmer could play the cowboy. It would be even more fun if Kilmer played the coordinator and Laurence Fishburne played the cowboy. It would also be fun to have the guys from Tenacious D play Fat Pat and Large Marge. They do charity stuff all the time, and they would totally do it For The Children.
Minor quibbles: the formatting was a little frustrating as there was much scrolldownage. Also there's a difference between a montage & a Montague. A montage brings everything together. A Montague is a lovelorn Renaissance mafioso with romantic delusions.
I miss Wash, too.
You really captured Zoe's mourning.
I wonder whether Mal would find a way to get Zoe and Emma to a home on the ground; the crew has been in and out of trouble so many times that Serenity and their naughty life can't really be safe for a small child. Much as my heart screams "Everyone has to stay together!!!" . Zoe may have loved the black, but I think that's because she loved Wash (who btw was always happy to go planetside).
Lovely story! :-)
When Verses collide.
Great work, Selim!
This is a great setup for a long story, and I'd love to read it. I can imagine what would happen the second Jack Moore encountered Inara,... a moment of deep discomfiture for Mal
I can also see Zoe taking one look at Wray, frowning slightly, and murmuring to Mal, "I don't like him."
This story may also require bobblehead dolls. Have at!
Very good episode
This could have been a real episode. It was well written and you have a great understanding of the characters, their voices and motivations. I also liked your use of technical jargon, which helped ground the story. I got really confused about the egg crate, though. What's an egg crate exactly?
I got frustrated at how you kept changing from present to past tense. That really distracted, in some places, from the quality of the story itself.
Overall a very solid A-. Thanks for writing!
he shoots, he scores
Well, that was very fine indeed. Well-crafted story gives a lot of insight into Wray's life as a con guest. I love the little details about signing, and his interior monologue as his conversation goes down in flames. All the characters seem real and engaging. It makes me wish Christina Hendricks would do a guest spot in the next Con Man series.Read the story now
This is crazy-fun
I would love to see this movie. I find the switcharound between actor and character a little confusing but it's fun.
The choice of "you" as the protagonist is odd and interesting. I have a little trouble imagining myself as either Hoban Washburne or Alan Tudyk, So it's a stimulating mental exercise. I must respectfully disagree about the patheticness of my chest, though. I'm very proud of my chest. I worked hard for my chest, and the River tattoo is just the icing on my chesty cake.
Would enjoy reading more.
River is a joy to write, and you write her mental perambulations so very well. This story should have more votes!
I am curious about the woman in the cage, screaming, and I'm guessing this is only a glimpse at a much longer tale which, judging by your style, I would love to read.
In spite of my own selfish desire to win this contest, I wish you the best of luck! I'm @alanapaints on twitter if you'd like to send me a link to more of your work.
Sea of Love
Wow, that was beautiful. A lovely, lyirical character description, and I love the little details about his world. I'm not entirely clear why he stops talking to Evangeline, was it because it just hurt to bring up the subject of space flight? That's a small point. .Read the story now
Fishy Tale Bowled Me Over
What a finny - I mean funny - story! Wray's characterization is great and the writer is correct - it's great to have some kind of prop when interacting with others in excruciating social situations. Considering fraternal proclivities for the consumption of live goldfish, I was relieved to see Little Wray made it out alive. But those frat boys wasted a great opportunity. Have they never heard of Carp Diem?Read the story now
Wray's Angel - It's the Cheese
Cheerful Chemist has written an amusing story with a funny twist. Also, one of the best lines about cheese ever. I can hear the actors voicing this dialog. One thing I'd like would be a big of dialog from Jack's "surprise" phone call.
Overall, lots of fun!
This is totally unfair of me to review because I wrote it.
But I had a great time doing so. I have a hard time rating my own writing skills but I think it's effectively brief for a comic. I'd love to do more of them. If you're a ConManFan and have stories about how being a fan has changed YOUR life, drop us a line.
Artifex Prime did the final art and laid it all out. Artifex Prime also uploaded it here. And Artifex Prime is an artistic genius.