Diane April

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Wow

I couldn't get enough of this book. The different voices and the characters were all so unique that I didn't feel bored reading any of it. I found it very easy to picture each of the characters in my head and got to love each and every one of them. The plot was easy to follow with a nice twist toward the end there. Sure shocked me. Honestly love it.

Btw, Winnipeg is in Canada. We're not Americans. (chapter 79)

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Creepy

I loved it. It was so dark yet so enjoyable. It didn't take long for me to figure out what was going on but that didn't take away from the story. I still wanted to see how he was going to do everything.

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Mixed

Really, take this all with a grain of salt and as constructive, not me being a jerk.

I think for a first draft this is pretty good. The writing style and the grammar were great. I didn't have to guess where commas or periods were supposed to be. I didn't find a lot happened or anything happened. So this Cordelia meets her roomate, great. I didn't really feel like I was a part of the story in that first chapter but more like I was a third wheel and would have rather sat and pet the dog (if there was one) instead of paying attention to the conversation. I want to know what the dorm room feels like. Yes, colours are great but but how does Cordelia feel being in there. We know she's nervous about meeting Emma however, that's only mentioned through a sentence. How about that tension in her stomach? Or that lump in her throat because she might feel like crying from the anxiety but doesn't want to? Or maybe she's just really calm about it.

I mean, if you have something happening I want to see the introduction to that in the first chapter. I want to know that Cordelia is really at that school because she got a scholarship there or she barely passed her SAT and that was the only school that would accept her. I want to be excited to read the second chapter. I want to know, so who's this Emma girl and what's so special about her. Why is her boyfriend there? Is he nice or is he a dick? Also there's too many characters all at once. I didn't remember any of those names or who those people were. I'd like to focus on Cordelia and Emma. Maybe one more person to help her with her stuff and to give some backstory in the beginning. I want you to give me a reason to read chapter two because I feel like I might like this story but nothing held my interest so far.

Is that too raw? I have no filter. Feel free to tear apart my story too.

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Very Good

I really enjoyed this as far as plot goes. It makes a great beginning and the level of detail makes you think you're right there with the characters. Just a few points about punctuation. there should be a comma after a statement: "I took the dog for a walk," she said. Even when a question is asked, "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked. It's still considered one sentence when you add he asked or she said, etc.

Other than that I found your writing style to be very strong, very interesting and I look forward to reading more.

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Awesome Read

Really liked the concept of this story. The beginning had a great explanation about how things worked in the real world that people tend to overlook. It was a nice change from the usual zombie story that just makes things up as they go along and actual facts don't matter.

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Paragraphs!!!!

You need smaller paragraphs. I tried reading this but I kept losing where I was because the paragraphs were so long and I read the same line over and over. I stopped reading because of this. On a browser it's very difficult to go through an endless amount of words without any breaks.

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Paragraphs

There's this wholesome kind of thinking with this. I like the style of just talking about life in general, friends, basketball, the splitting of your parents.. I would have liked to see more details and the inner workings of your feelings. More of how did this make you feel at the time, what were the struggles that came about, what did the rest of your family feel? I found myself just skimming a lot of words because it was a little too "ok nothing is happening here".

Also, paragraphs. We need to see breaks in the writing. Although the chapters are short and it's pretty much all on the same subject, there is still that need for paragraphs that my brain was desperate for. It makes for a much easier read and if I look away for a minute, I don't feel like I'm lost when I go back.

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Nice

I liked this story. It was emotional and raw and I could see this really happening. It was sad at the end but I felt a little uplifted that they were going to be together. Is that weird?

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Loved It

I really enjoyed this. I thought, in the beginning, it was a little like Poe's the Tell Tale Heart and I was sure the gentleman was going to do something like throw the clock out the window or run it over and be done with it. I was thrown slightly at the end but was not disappointed.

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Stunning

Simplicity at it's best. Short and sweet. Very enjoyable. It's always nice when you get through a story feeling like you really enjoyed that or that you were fulfilled because the writer was able to give you all you need. There wasn't description filler or pointless conversations, it all flowed nicely.

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Good Read

I really liked this story. It was easy to read. Sometimes I found it confusing to go back and forth between the group sessions and the flashbacks (?) of the story but it got easier further into the story.

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Glad to See

I don't know if I like this as much as Just Juliet or if I like it more. I think I'd have to read more which I'm already dying to do. Lakyn's backstory seems like one of absolute intrigue and I can't wait to hear more about it. I'm not even going to comment of writing style or grammar or anything because it's irrelevant when I love a story so much.

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Melting

Oh my God. I read this over two days and couldn't put it down. I wasn't overly keen on the whole romance idea because that's just not my thing but I was pulled in almost immediately when I saw the description of Juliet. I thought, that's pretty much what would have went on inside my head had I been in the same situation. Not only had Lena questioned why she was feeling like that but she had the constant internal dialogue going on which at times was like stepping into my own head.

There were a few missteps in spelling which I think was just fingers moving too fast on the keyboard and not necessarily reading over of material. The writing style was pretty good. Some parts I found to be slightly tedious but only very slightly and that's only because I wanted to get to the good parts.

Descriptions were amazing. And I mean the descriptions of Lena and Juliet's first kiss, the way their hands moved over each other, etc. At one point I was begging for them to kiss and then I was begging for them to kiss more because it was always just so perfect. It was the kind of relationship I would want to have if I wasn't already in one.

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Top 10% in Fated Paradox

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